Harvard's Election 2008 Blog

The Dummy's Guide to Vice Presidential Nominations

A lot of you seem surprised at the recent nominations for vice president.  I have heard my friend(s) rant away for what seemed like hours about the other possibilities, their qualifications,  how they would sway the "Southern Midwestern, alternative brand to John Deere Tractor owning polygamists whose sons don't play fooseball but do enjoy watching Spongebob on television" vote and so on.  So for all of you who are confused, I am going to explain the nominations.

 The Candidates: 

Obama:

• Young, glamorous, salt-of-the-earth American image. 
• Family prevalent in media.  Attractive (at least, more so than McCain).
• Fairly uncorrupted by politics, idealistic.
• Inexperienced (politically, not sexually).

 McCain:

• Lots of political experience.
• Some form of familiarity with American foreign affairs (war hero).
• Close relationship with former President (Bush).
• Quite old.

Who they nominated:

Biden:

• Lots of political experience.
• Some form of familiarity with American foreign affairs (Foreign Relations Committee)
• Close relationship with former President (Clinton)
• Quite old.

Palin:

• Young, glamorous, salt-of-the-earth American image. 
• Family prevalent in media.  Attractive (at least, more so than McCain).
• Fairly uncorrupted by politics, idealistic.
• Inexperienced (politically, not sexually).

I mean, really?  Are you kidding me?  They would have nominated each other had they been allowed to.  The only real difference here is that Palin is female, which is obviously a ploy to attract Hillary Clinton's supporters.  Perhaps they can just run a joint ticket?

Oh, and I amannoyed at Palin.  I keep thinking videos with her name in the description are going to involve renowned funny man Michael Palin of Monty Python fame.  He would have been a better choice anyway.

(Michael) Palin

• Funny.
•  Fairly uncorrupted by politics, idealistic.
• Very funny.
• Attractive (at least, more so than McCain).
• Interesting.
• Some form of familiarity with American foreign affairs (Not from this country, does travel documentaries).
• Hysterical.
• Has remained happily married for 42 years!  Obama is 47.  Sarah Palin is 44.
• Performed the lumberjack song, which was very funny.
• Has an asteroid named after him.  The asteroid may even be older than McCain.

I could go on, but I won't.  I don't think I have to.  I think we can all agree, Michael Palin is the right choice for this country.

 Ah well, as usual, those best suited to lead are not best suited to be elected.  Like the Ruler of the Universe (see the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy...it's somewhere in there).